No you don’t know

I was very lucky when I was pregnant. I loved most of the doctors in my practice. My main doctor was just about my age and had recently had her first baby. She thought the concept of a “geriatric pregnancy” (anyone over 35 and pregnant) was stupid and hated the term, which made me love her even more.

The front desk staff was great, the nurses were funny and attentive. All in all it was a great experience…..until the end. At the end you end up going to the doctor once a week, whenever you can find the time. You fit these appointments between your work, peeing, panicking about all you haven’t gotten done, peeing some more and your exhausting schedule of cookie eating. This also means you see whatever doctor you can within a practice. Any office also asks that you see every doctor in the practice so whenever you go into labor you are familiar with whomever is on call. I was lucky and had my regular doctor deliver Ben, but in the moment Elmo could have delivered Ben and I wouldn’t have cared.

At one of these last appointments I finally met the only male doctor in the practice. I had no qualms about having a male OB. I figured he would be just as great as the other doctors. Then he opened his mouth. He asked how I was feeling, which is fair, but still a dangerous question to ask a 9 months pregnant woman. I answered honestly and said I was pretty tired and could barely get out of bed because of my huge belly (see photo from last week). He laughed and said “I know how you feel, I have a big belly too and can’t get out of bed easily either”. Uhhhhh no you don’t.

Ahhh it only got better from there, when I predicted I would go into labor before my due date (May 27th) he remarked “we have due dates for a reason”. Listen, my expertise in medicine is limited to my late night searches on WebMD, but I had been living with this little creature for the last 9 months and had a feeling. I knew what I knew, and it turns out I was completely correct. Ben was born over a week earlier than his due date.

You know who had no experience being pregnant with my son? This doctor. When people impart their words of wisdom on you during pregnancy or during child rearing, they think it is because they are being helpful. This doctor, who more than likely was actually getting a full nights rest and did not have a 7  pound baby playing a very convincing version of In the Air Tonight on his bladder all day, did not realize that I was veeeerry close to hitting him in a blind pregnancy induced rage.

Pregnancy is a very unique feeling, and being a parent is an even more unique feeling. Everyone thinks they are entitled to an opinion about how you are behaving as a parent. Even those that have never parented. That appointment was the first time I felt like saying you have no idea what I am feeling and would best be served by being quiet.

My advice to anyone that is a new parent or soon to be parent is to forget the din. Trust your instinct. You will be right more often than wrong. You will find your path with your child in tow. You will definitely make mistakes, but you will always correct. For those that feel like doling out some unsolicited advice to parents, I highly recommend you keep it to yourself. If you ignore this advice, I cannot promise you that the force of a 1,000 very pregnant ladies will not come down on you as punishment and frankly, that image alone scares the bejesus out of me.

Kenny Rogers

Teaching Ben how to gamble……what? Whaaaat???? No one will ever see it coming.




2 thoughts on “No you don’t know”

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