This year I get to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. I have been trying to think of the best way to honor my first mother’s day, my past, present and future and all the moms that have ever inhabited my life, especially my mom. But I can’t. It is too overwhelming.
What I do know on this Mother’s Day is that being Ben’s Mom is an absolute privilege. Every night, when I put him to sleep I kiss the top of his head and tell him “I love you. You are the best thing I have ever done”
When my days are hard at work, a client is upset, or work has taken a bit too much out of me, coming home to him standing at our big picture window in the dining room, waiting for me, waving furiously, makes me understand that I always have an enthusiastic audience.
When I wake up in the morning and I haven’t brushed my hair and my skin has no make up on it, showing all the signs that I am not 20 anymore and I don’t feel like I could ever be beautiful again, Ben looks up at me and reaches his arms up to be held. He tucks his thumb in his mouth and leans his head against my chest and I think, no I know, that I am the most beautiful I will ever be.
When I have those days where I feel like I may never be a good enough mom, and find that balance between work, and marriage, and life and friends and family and my son, I open our door to our kitchen and see my little maniac running towards me and I somehow find my footing once again.
When I think that maybe I am not going to ever be the mom that Ben deserves, that doubt that every parent, every mom has. He will turn and look at me and say mama and so will my heart along with any doubt.
To all the mamas out there; seasoned professionals, hopeful mamas, grandmas, greats, aunties, and nanas, fur mamas and of course new mamas, don’t ever let the world make you think you haven’t done the best thing ever. You are a mom, and even though we will spend our lives trying to teach our children, they will somehow end up teaching us everything we need to know.
Happy Mother’s Day.